January 27, 2010

Weight: 108 (Fuck)

Today just turned into shit. I hate my self.

• Woke up
• Spoke to Zach
• Went to school
• Fifth period was crap. Mr. D wasn’t there D:
• Sixth period was okay. We play monopoly.
• Third period was boring, as usual.
• I confessed to Cody that I was depressed and I wanted counseling.
• He thinks I’m depressed too.
• Lunch was okay. Stressful. Did my science project.
• Seventh period: It was okay. Got my science fair ribbon today! :D
• I didn’t get to present. Fuck.
• Recital was funny. The middle school kids were adorable.
• Explore performance was cool.
• Got out of school.
• My aunt picked me up.
• Came home.
• Ate a little.
• Now I’m online.

I hate my life.

January 26, 2010

Weight: 107

• Woke up early
• Briefly spoke to Zach
• Went to school
• First period chamber choir was alright. Savannah is officially in Chamber! I’m happy about that.
• Second period pre-calc was retarded.
• Lunch was okay. Spoke to Jessica xD
• Third period was boring, as usual.
• Fourth period was lonely. I broke down when I was left alone. I can’t be left alone for too long or I’ll snap.
• After school was okay. My aunt picked me up and I finally saw Joe. He looks good :]
• My mommy and Francy picked me up.
• We drove to her house
• We drove to Publix
• We went to the office
• I got an ice cream
• Went to dinner with Francy, her husband, and my mommy.
• Got home.
• Didn’t get anything done.

”/

January 25, 2010

Weight: 107

• Woke up at 6
• Went back to sleep
• Woke up and spoke to Zach briefly
• Got a text from his mom that he made it to school
• Sat at home bored
• Mommy came home
• Joseph is doing well and is back home
• Hung out with my mom for a little bit
• Watched ANTM with her
• Drove to get my Homecoming dress fitted
• Got it fitted
• FINALLY heard from Zach
• Came back home

I’m so fucking alone.

January 24, 2010

Weight: 108

• Woke up at 6AM thinking I had school today.
• Went back to sleep at 6:02AM realizing I did NOT have school today!
• Woke up at 7:35 AM
• Went back to sleep
• Woke up at 9AM and hung out with my mommy
• Watched Project Runway
• Headed out for the mall
• Got a call from my aunt that my cousin Joe was really sick
• Went to McD’s and ate in the car
• Drove to the clinic where my cousin was
• Drove to the Emergency Room
  
• Got kicked out of the hospital by my mom
• Mom gave me 50 dollars
• I went shopping at American Eagle in a fit of anger, but now I feel guilty about my purchases.
• Drove home
• Now I’m online
  

January 23, 2010

Weight: Dunno

• Woke up at 6AM
• Took a shower
• Got dressed
• Ate breakfast (kinda)
• Drove to UCF
• Got there late
• Signed in
• Went to a brief meeting
• Went to warm up
• Zach heard me sing… fuck.
• Auditioned at 10:00 (my original time was at 10:15 but they were running ahead of schedule so I got in early.)
• There were six intimidating judges in one tiny room.
• They were nice to me but told me to go talk to the director of the music department after my audition about my major.
• Hung out with Zach, James, Sam, and our parents.
• Acted crazy <3
• Had a long conversation with Zach’s dad, mom, my mom, and Zach. It lasted about two hours but it was well worth it. I love Zach’s family. I really, really do.
• Ate at a buffet at UCF.
• Walked to the parking garage.
• Said goodbye.
• Cried.
• Went home with my mommy.
• Changed clothes.
• Rested for a little bit.
• Now I’m online.

Zachary, I love you.

January 22, 2010

Weight: 107

• Woke up
• Got dressed
• Had swollen eyes (Thanks, Zach)
• Went to school
• Fifth period exam was a bitch
• Sixth period today was alright. I think I’m going to like AP Microeconomics way better than I did AP Government. Who am I kidding? I fucking hated AP Gov. Anything is better than that.
• Lunch was alright. Went to the library to finish my Arts Alive form.
• Third period was boring. We didn’t do anything. Kyndall wanted to slap me though because I called myself ugly.
• Seventh period wasn’t too bad. I thought Heartage would slap the shit out of me, but she didn’t. The exam wasn’t too bad, but I’m not confident.
• After school I went to Testa’s room and got my two books for the audition tomorrow.
• Went to Target with my mommy to drop her off. (She had a new outfit on today. She looked so pretty.)
• Drove home.
  
• Spoke to Zach about myself.
  
• Hung out in the apartment.
• Went back to target.
• Mom drove me back home and dropped me off.
• Now I’m online.

I wish I was pretty enough for you. I’ll fix that though. Hopefully. Somehow.

January 21, 2010

Weight: 108

I am fat. I am the ugliest fucking lard to ever exist and I really hope that someday I’ll just magically wake up gorgeous and bone thin.

I woke up this morning at 6AM. I was running a little late and I needed to find something all black to wear. Something that would also cover up that huge sticker from the heart monitor.

I left for school at around 6:55.

I got to school right at 7AM.

Chamber choir rehearsed and I got a lot of compliments that I thought were total bull shit and that made me want to cry.

We sang. We walked over the the expo hall and performed for the school board. They ‘loved’ us so much that we are now booked for February 5th.

After that we got to eat breakfast and went outside. It was nice.

Went to First Period: Some of us took a nap, some studied, others read Kent’s sex stories from this book he found.

Second period was okay. Presentation went really well.

Lunch was alright. Sectionals first half with the tenors/basses.

Second half was okay. I went to the library and hung with Jessica.

Third period was okay. The exam was terrible. I think I failed.

Fourth period was alright. Got to practice with Angel but we ended up just talking and then later getting kicked out of the practice room because we weren’t being watched by a teacher.

We went out into the hallway and hung out with Jose. It was amusing.

School got out. I walked outside. My mom was at the loop shopping. She was a little late.

She picked me up and we went to go get arepas.

Zach had baseball till 4:30 and called me.

I got home and removed the stickies from the heart monitor. They hurt like a bitch and peeled off the top layer of skin it was on.

When I say it hurt like a bitch, it fucking hurt.

I took a long hot shower and after I got out, I felt so dizzy. I’ve been feeling that way ever since.

Did psychology homework.

He finally told me I was fat.

Cried, cried, cried.

Still crying.

Still doing Psychology homework.

going to keep doing psychology homework.

The End.

FML.

January 20, 2010

Weight: 109

Today was alright.

Fifth period: Funny. I gotta do the make-up work for that class NOW.

Sixth period: Exam. I failed. I know I did. I hate AP Gov. I’m glad it’s over.

Third period: Boring, as usual.

Lunch was extra long. I left at 1:15.

Went to my aunt’s house for lunch.

Went to the cardilogist at 3:30.

Apparently the doctor thinks I have a mild case of Premature Heartbeats. That’s no big deal, but he put me on another 24 hour heart monitor to double check. It’s a bigger monitor with more stickers.. But it’s more accurate. I gotta return it Friday.

Went to Target with my mommy. Got supplies for my Pre-Calc project. Gotta work on that now..

Now I’m home. Zach is frustrating me again..

Off to do work now.

Lunch was extra long today. I was happy :D I left at 1:15 PM.

January 19, 2010

Weight: 109

Today was a pretty good day. I went to school and in Chamber Choir we went to the expo hall to practice for Thursday morning.

Second period was okay. Went to the library briefly and then went back to the classroom. Sean told me about his new “Fahncy” clothing line.. lmao

Lunch was okay. Did the usual.

Third period was boring as hell. I hate that class.

Fourth period was okay. Boring. I got a 10/10 on my Keyboarding exam :D

After school my mommy picked me up and went to the mall to pick up Francy. She bought me a new hoodie! :]

After that we stopped by a bakery. Yum, yum, yumm.

Then we went to the office and waiting for a little bit. Then my mommy and I left and went to Walgreens.

After walgreens we went home.

Zach and I went on webcam and my mommy and I chatted with him, his sister, and his mommy. It was the best part of my day <3 I love them so much!

Now I’m watching American Idol and texting Zach. It’s our little date for today <3

—- Oh! And I went on webcam with Zach afterwards and I cut my hair again.

Full bangs now.

January 18, 2010

Weight: 109

Today was okay.

• Woke up
• Got dressed
• Went to iHop with my mommy <3
• Had more serious talks
• Went to voice lessons
• Learned soooooooo much
• Got out
• Called Zach
• Zach and I got into a huge fight again
• I went to the loop with my mommy
• Tried on an outfit at American Eagle
• My mommy said that if I made it into UCF, she’d buy it for me (LOL)
• Went to Publix
• Came home
• Zach called. He made it home safe <3
  
• Ate with my mommy
• Went online
• Zach and I decided to start over..

Here’s to new beginnings!